What should I do to satisfy my sex hunger? I am a woman.
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Hello All,
I came to know of this site yesterday through Google. During this whole weekend, I was reading some previous questions. I was totally amazed by the quality of the answers given to questions. Also, I think the editorial team is amazing. I will be really happy to see answers to my question.
I am Shibani Sen (shibani is my nickname). I am 30 years old. I am in 3rd year of my PhD in USA. I came to US in 2010 for my Masters. Since very early stage, my sex desire is very high. However, until my undergrad, I controlled myself. Wherever I see a physically fit guy, I feel like having sex with him. After coming to USA, I could not control myself anymore. So I started posting ads. in adult site for for sex. On an average I had sex with 2/3 men every month. In fact, in my 5 years in US, I had sex with over 50 men. But I never had any emotional connection with any of them.
Last December, I got married to a nice Indian guy. It was an arranged marriage. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I had sex with so many men. So I kept everything secret. He is a very nice guy and I really love him. We were together first 3 months and sex life was ok – not good. I was not that satisfied. He had no affair and I think he didn’t had sex with anyone before marriage.
Unfortunately he lost his job in the US due to company lay-off and problem and his work visa had expired. He could not find a new job in such a short time and he had to go back to India. He is still trying to get a job in the US. But I realize the earliest he can come here is next year. He can stay here with me as my dependent. But he got a job in Bangalore and he doesn’t want to stay in US with my dependent VISA and also his new company has a lot of pressure on him. I also cant go India this year as I am already 30 years old and still in 3rd year PhD. I have to finish it quickly.
Coming to my point. Now it is getting impossible for me to sleep alone at night. I am finding it difficult to survive without getting fucked. Especially I enjoyed sex every week with so many different men. With my husband far away, my mind always wants to start that enjoyment.
I am completely confused what to do. I am finding it difficult to concentrate on my Research. Sex is like food for me. Please give me some advice what I should do?
Thank u so much,
Shibani.
Answers ( 6 )
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Hello Shih Barney,
You have a real problem on your hands, or perhaps should I say, in your head. When you abandoned yourself to the pleasures of sex with multiple partners you opened a can of worms. Sex purely for recreation is immensely enjoyable, but overindulgence can leave you hungry for more and more, until it becomes an obsession. This is the situation in which you find yourself now. By your own admission, sex with your new husband isn’t that satisfying, and the trouble is, you’re comparing him with all the sex you’ve been having with these faceless men. If you analyse your experiences, some of the sex you had probably wasn’t that great, but it’s like all memories, we tend to forget the ones that didn’t please or excite, and build up the ones that did, out of all proportion to the reality of the act.
I am not going to make moral pronouncements upon you for what you’ve done in the past, I don’t have that right, neither does anybody else for that matter. For me to criticise you brings to mind the person in a greenhouse throwing stones. You are the product of your experiences and the things you learn in life. In your case, you’ve discovered a deep craving for sex without strings, and now you feel guilty because you want to surrender to that craving again. I have to ask you this, if your husband was there with you, would that satisfy you?If you are honest with yourself, you know that this will not be enough, as you’ve already told us that your husband has managed, at best, to give you “okay” sex. This is somewhat like being given tepid water when you’re used to drinking chilled vintage champagne.
This leaves you with a dilemma, do you satisfy your thirst for vintage champagne? Or do you not only go without the champagne, in your situation, and even the tepid water as well? If you decide to satisfy yourself, you will start out feeling bad, but it’s like all things that we really, really lust for, we figure out reasons to justify what we are doing, until we can tell ourselves it’s fine and okay to continue.Your husband is literally on the other side of the world, he doesn’t satisfy you, and your free to do what you really want to do. Leaving aside any question of morality (I’ve long given up trying to make moral judgements, it’s only ever caused me problems in the past, and I’ve been accused of sometimes having double standards. In a few instances I have seen that I did favour some people over others, which wasn’t my intention), there’s nothing to stop you from sating your desires completely. I’ll leave the moralising to others. I will say this, make sure your STI three before your husband returns, or you returned to India. And if you’re going to indulge yourself, make sure that it’s safe, and you won’t be discovered. Your husband was completely ignorant of the fact that you have had so many sexual encounters before you married him, and there’s no reason why he would suspect anything as long as you are sensible.
On a purely practical note, I highly recommend, if you are not already doing so, that you commence doing your pelvic floor exercises (kegel) to maintain a nice flexible vagina and anus, you will want to be nice and tight down there.
Have fun, and if you want to get in touch, by all means PM me.
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hi
First, I really feel pity about the guy who has married you. For instance, if he himself knew all this before then surely he wouldnt have married at all, atleast you. And you are not all regretting nor bothered about this all this. Never think about the past, think about the mere future, cos , you dont live in the past anymore!
Second, as you have already said it was a arranged marriage, your in-laws believe that you are family type of girl. So, if they anytime happen to know all this thro your husband, imagine the family respect, were it would go . How do you imagine a situation like this in future?? You must be in position to answer all this, only then you can do as you like.
Howevr, if you still feel your deeds are fair and fine, then you better give a divorce to him and continue doing business, instead of cheating! So the inference is simple, stay calm satisfy your self thro dildos, teasers, mmastrubate and be good to your husband . Else, betray your guy and his trust on you as he loves you!
Regards
Rahul
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Thank you for the compliments you have paid this Site and honestly we love compliments for all the hard work that we do on a gratis basis.
I shall not preach. What you had done in the past before marriage is no one’s concern but yours and to that extent you had the freedom to live the life you way you wanted to. But post marriage things change. You are now in a life bond with your husband and all your actions need to be geared with this thought in mind.
Considering the number of mates you had bedded, it is not fair of you to compare your husband’s performance with any of them. Remember earlier there were no strings attached. Many of your earlier mates could have been professionals geared to pleasing a woman and ensuring that she gets her money’s worth. Your husband, by your own admission is naive and possibly you were the first person, he had sex with. So you will need to give him time.
Your situation is worsened by the distance between your husband and you and till you both get together this lust for sex will continue. You will need to make a conscious decision whether sex is more important to you or whether the marriage is. Nothing is impossible but an honest effort is paramount.
My fear is that even with your husband around, will the need for varied sex compel you to succumb to your passion. Try to make the PhD your focal point and concentrate on achieving that. With that in hand you will then be able to make a clearer choice. Husband, Love and Marriage or Sex, Lust and Passion.
Hoping that you are able to take the right Decision.
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Dear Shibani,
I am pleased that you appreciate the effort people put in here to give their honest opinion, helping out with suggestions and ideas sometimes providing accounts of their own experiences to help us reason into how and why things happen when someone asks for help on AskAnjali.
However, when someone gives in their opinion about things a fair amount of moral goes into their explanation which they think is totally rational. We cant blame them because rationality and moral have only a thin line of separation between them. I second Salma’s stand here: not to emotionally or morally judge people. And the reason for that is because of the same reason Salma has shared, “I ended up favoring and taking sides with people I thought were doing the right thing.” Later on i learnt that I must understand the reasons instead of blaming with the results… It would do me more good.
Coming to your account, you have evaluated and outlined a lot of things about your past life and gave us sufficient information required to give an answer to your predicament. There are very few people out there who make sure to say enough before they expect a reply! People want instant answers without being judged!
Your need for sex is completely understandable, Sex is a bodily need and we all need it at some time or the other. And you cant blame a person for having a huge appetite, its just a bodily need and is driven by hormones. It is the right of everyone to satisfy the needs of your body. We live in a world of beliefs and traditions, chaos and commitments running about in midst of all these things. What you had before marriage is a different story and after marriage is a totally different story.
I mean, if your husband was virgin until marriage and he really managed to overcome all temptations to bed a woman and satisfy his sexual hunger… And if you had confessed with your husband before marriage that you were not a virgin and had relationships… There would come a question which women wouldn’t take in a positive spirit. Would a guy marry the girl? This is a question you must ask yourself because although it was an arranged marriage for you, it was still a marriage. And marriages are built on the foundation of trust and commitment. Imagine if your husband would start bedding women and later on one of those women turns up saying she’s carrying your husband’s baby. She now wants to stay with your husband since the new baby needs its fathers care or maybe she needs money to support herself and the new baby or even would want a share of the family and property. What would you do then? Or let’s take something far worse, what would happen if your spouse brought home someone every other night and is making love to that person in your bed room ans he asks you to sleep in the guest room? How would you feel then, and what would the children think if you had children? These are valid questions that are meant for both the genders, men and women. Marriage is a sacred institution when one person has right over the other person both emotionally and physically. But don’t take my word for all this because you have your needs and everyone has their own problems. Men think differently when compared to women and they can’t bear that their spouse has cheated on them while women are more accommodating and tend to forgive their partner after throwing fists of disgust and contempt at them.
I sense that you have a large gap emotionally with your spouse. Try to bridge the gap and find out about his beliefs if he is open minded to sexual flings or close minded. But I doubt if you believe in this advice because you have say that your husband is only ‘okay’ in sex and satisfying you in bed. I see contempt here, which is not a good thing since contempt is what ruins a relationship. You can opt to come out of this feeling and help your husband satisfy you better or you could have secretive sex with all the experienced studs capable of satisfying you sexually. This would be hard, tough and will take time. For the short time however, you can help yourself with masturbation, toys and you can also hit a gym and work out. Workouts will keep you healthy and also will help you release stress and tension. You can put up short term goals with your work at the university and focus on achieving those goals.
With your relationship, try to know your husband’s heart and solve out things in the best interest which would give you and him a good future. If he is open minded to sex and has no issue as far as you do not get emotionally involved with your partners then you aren’t cheating him because you are having sex outside your marriage with your husband’s marriage, If your husband’s beliefs are otherwise, then you could either choose to satisfy yourself with masturbation and train your husband better or seek secretive and safe sex outside marriage without your husband knowing about it.
I doubt if I had answered your concerns. Because i realize my answer has been more about reasons beliefs and traditions… But then, not everyone can separate sex and emotions. We are possessive beings. I am a 22 year old boy and i have never had sex, but if i can think of all these things then I’m sure you can too. And then again, i had never had sex so i cannot think how hard it is to stay away from sex and i definitely can’t feel your appetite. I can only understand your situation, listen to you and explain reasons. You have to make decisions.
I wish you good luck ! Thanks, Shibani, for reading through
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make target to reach 1000
go lady go !!!!
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Hi shibani…Your situation is very tipical…as you your self are understanding that you have very excessive sex desire, if possible, try to reduce a little bit… Indulging in sex with multiple partners is always a risky thing..As you know too much salt will damage the taste of a recipe… similarly sex with many multiple partners will make sexual life a mechanical thing without an emotional flavour…. however it is to some extent it is ok and understandable as your husband is apart from you.But again It is suggested to take calculated risk and go ahead and ensure that all your male partners are trustworthy …one mistake can cause a lot of damage to life…so beautiful little carefull and do the things..All the best…..Rainbow…