I am mentally involved with a friend more than my husband. What to do?
ReportQuestion
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
I respect my husband and he is a good friend. But I do not love him. The reason to stay in touch with this friend is his idea of sharing every thought, good-bad experience, friendliness and ability to relax me in hurtful and pressuring situations; it is more than life.
I do not love this friend but we have reached many times almost at point of sex, after marriage too. He never did sex till now because he asked me to come physically when ready, not just like getting exiting excited and do it. He never did hold any emotions hidden inside him and he shared everything with me, his fantasies too. He loved me a lot.
Somehow he couldn’t move on completely even after I got married to someone else. I cannot avoid him. I have shared my semi-naked, transparent dress / lingerie pics with him as I I could not avoid his physical desires all times. What to do?
It is not possible to leave him, as he is my best friend with whom I can share everything without having a feeling of judgment. My husband doesn’t want me to talk to him too as he know he is from my past, and our relationship. They even had a verbal abusive argument before marriage. Now this guy has many pics of mine which are very discrete and post-marriage stuff. There is no blackmailing from him and no such intent too. I trust him.
BUT I want to ask you what could go wrong and what shall I do.
He is never willing go let me go from his life and he will find me out from anywhere because he cannot afford to lose me. We cannot be just friends, because our emotions are extremely high for each other and due to that we go beyond regular, moral friendship .
Please help me to improve my situation. I think I am not in danger but mentally yes I am in a kind of a mess.
Answers ( 2 )
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
As the Poster in your Question says: There can be platonic Friendships between a Man and a Woman. It is very difficult to describe a platonic Friendship. There is Love, but there may not be Sex. It could be a Union of two Souls.
The chemistry between some People is unbelievable. As you have said, you realize that this man could have easily had sex with you, but you respect him, because he has not taken advantage and you know his intentions are pure. He is sincere in his intentions to be by your side when you need him.
How did you both meet? Was he in love with you, before you got married? You said you do not love him. You seem to be comfortable with your secrets with him. Was your marriage to your husband an arranged marriage? Why don’t you love him?
Why do you think of avoiding this Friend or leaving him? He has stood by you in times of crisis. Is it that you fear that you will be having sex with him? Lust and desire is a human trait and why should you hold yourself back? Sex, however will change the equation between the two of you. One of you will be more demanding of the other. Since your husband does not approve of this relationship, you will have to consider how sex will affect your marriage.
You have mentioned the pictures he has of you. Since these are not explicit with sex or nudity, why worry? You are also confident that he will not blackmail you, but is there some doubt in your mind? Have faith in your friendship and your trust in him. Do not think of the past. Think of the Future.
Have you tried taking a break from this Friendship? Are you willing to forget him? He cannot, what about you? There are some hard decisions that you will have to take. Do you break up with him? Do you progress to having sex with him? The future of your marriage?
As long as you do not take these decisions, you will have to live with the tension and the mental turmoil.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
You have already created a mess in your life with this your so called friend. There is no blackmailing but do you guarantee that he would not use that stuff to blackmail you if you want to stop talking to him. He is talking to you for a reason and that I could safely say that he wants to get into your pants and somehow he knows that he would get succeed.
What you are doing is called cheated on your husband with your friend, which you do not have a right to do so as you cannot make your husband suffer on your account. His intention is not good otherwise he would have stopped talking to you when you got married because both of you know that if you get caught by your husband then your married life will come into danger, which true friends never wish.
You should start living in the real world and stop justifying your act with your friend. Be mature and start seeing your life in a practical manner. You should devote your time and energy into your married life and take steps to strengthen it. You both should accept the reality that you both cannot be with each other so better to move on in your life.
Have a clear discussion with him and tell him that you are no longer able to continue the friendship hence he should allow you to move on as that is the best course of action. If you think that he may blackmail you using that stuff then talk to your husband. You should take him into confidence so such thing would not affect your married life.
You can take the help of cops if the need arises but cut off all the contact and focus on your married life. Do not fall into his arguments trap as when you let him know that you want to break the friendship he will start arguing with you to continue the friendship but you should stay firm on your decision. We do not get what we want in our life but that does not mean that we have to be cheaters or mean to get something that we desire. Do not be selfish by continuing friendship with your friend. Don’t you think that your husband deserves better treatment from you?