I want my bestfriend but want to control the sex urge.
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Hi Anjali mam and members,
I am a boy of 20 years and I have one best friend (female). We both know each other for last 3 years. Actually once I proposed to my best friend and she said yes to me but we promised each other that our relationship should not be converted into girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. We are committed now for last 2 years.
The only change in our talk and chat is we say love you to each other. We are best friends and true lovers. I have a problem that when we meet each other we hug, kiss on cheeks and fore head and on lips (but not smooch), slept in each other arms. But some times I lose my control and touch her private parts over the clothes but not from inside.
After 2 mins I get shocked and thought she is only my best friend and a true commitment and what i am doing is wrong. After that I feel very guilty. Please help me I dont want to lose my commitment and a true bestfriend.I just want to finish this sex urge of mine.
I want to tell something more, one day when we both were making love I just lost my control in that manner that i just pulled her top from the backside (full top from the backside not from the front she was not fully naked and i have seen nothing because she was over me and top has been pulled from backside.she was only naked from back and only for 5 seconds after that she respond quickly and pulled her top down and also at that point she stop me stop making love with me and she goes to her home nothing said to me but after few days i have tell what happened.) She was over me, but still she said nothing to me. After a few days she told me that I was behaving like a boyfriend and cried a lot. I then promised her that it will never happen again. I seriously don’t want to loose her. Please help me mam, as she trusts me a lot.
We meet in 1 or 2 months not regularly. We both dont want to become girlfriend and boyfriend. I dont want that my bestfriend will be my girlfriend. I just only want that we both will always be true bestfriends as well as true commitment and lovers.
Please anjali mam Please help me in this.i am afraid.i dont want to lose her mam.
Answers ( 2 )
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Let me get this straight, you love a girl and don’t want to get physical with her at least till you get married so that you would let her remain a virgin and you would also stay virgin for your future wife. Noble thought this is, but you have lost me when you said you would just love her, so do you mean you plan on marrying her or what? If you don’t plan on marrying her, what do you mean by loving?
Not that every couple who love each other should marry, but doesn’t it amount to cheating when you love someone and marry someone?
Anyways, for you to stay in control, its hard work; men are horny at all times and cannot resist themselves when they have a girl beside them. So unless you determine yourself to not go close to her, don’t approach her. Controlling your desire by merely hugging and kissing doesn’t stop, so avoid it completely. Don’t touch each other; you needn’t hug her, nor kiss her nor lie in each others’ arms. Talk to her and try to keep your friendship to merely talking.
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Well you are nowhere with a relationship, you need to relook at yourself and decide what you want to do. Between a grown man and girl, (you are 20, thats not a boy anymore), there can be two relationships if they are not blood related, eith they are friends or they are lovers.
There is a thin boundary between this, but the boundary is distinct. Think of a boundary line in a cricket field, wither its a four or a six, it cant be both. But you are have both physically or by weakness, but you are forcing psychologically to act something different.
Between two good friends, talk on certain things happenswhich is not that open between lovers. Where trust and respect is more important on friendship, love and lust is there on lovers. You are dangling in between, in these cases of standing on two boats, people always lose both the boats.
Between friends talk on sex happens, but there is no body touch, specially on genital, even over clothes. Thats a unconditional trust on other. Why breaching that again and again and forcing to believe you wont do that, when you cant keep your word?
A girl of your age is much matured, she can see that boundary clearer than you. If she is allowing you to touch her, in her mind friendship is not in the plate. She consider you more as a lover, and you are acting on that way, but fighting to be act as a friend. This relationship has made so clumsy, I can bet anything, you will not end up as lover or friend because you are breaching her expectation as lover and trust as a friend.
If you want to stay as friend, control your hand and momentarry lapse of senses. Tell her this is friendship, no touch anymore, nor even when drunk or sleeping. Maintain that.
If you are talking our test as a ball fell on the boundary line, whether its a four or six, as the rule says its a six. So dont play with question where you are confused with what you are doing. You said making love, that means having sex. If it is kiss and hug, the term is making out.
I hope you will find the real you, do what is right and follow the rule. But back on mind I believe she consider you as lover, because if she believed you are a friend, she wont let you touch her genitals.