Is my wife just a porn addict or there is something more?
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Hello Friends,
We are a couple in our late 30’s. We have two children and our life was normal till last year, when I came to know about my wife’s past relationship, which she hid from me for several years.
Since then, we are still staying together, but the charm in our relationship is lost. I don’t like to talk to her unless it is really essential or until she approaches me for some discussion. We hardly have sex now, not just because of sourness in our relationship, but also due to erectile dysfunction that I am facing due to diabetes.
Two months back in the higher secondary school where my wife studied, there was a reunion or you can say alumni meet of all ex students. After that meet, they made a big group of around 31 men and women on whatsapp. My wife has been chatting with them quite regularly and enjoying a lot. Since then I always find her phone in her hand and chatting.
Once, I got the opportunity to sneak peak in her phone and found that apart from her group chats, she is chatting with one of the guys in that group on personal chat more often. There are many adult videos shared by that guy and also there are conversations about the passion shown in the videos.
There are so many videos in her cell that we have not seen together. She never shared her liking about porn stuff since we were married for more than a decade now.
I am little disturbed with the chats and porn stuff that she is enjoying with her class mate. I don’t understand, if she is just a porn addict or there is something more in their relationship.
Answers ( 3 )
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The bitter must be taken with the better. You should not spoil your present relationship because of her past relationship provided she is completely out of that relationship. Remember she was in pre-marital affairs and not in extra marital affairs; therefore you should accept her past and forgive her for the same.
Her whatsapp chatting does not point toward that she is in still that relationship. It might be possible that she likes porno but it is normal for a woman to see such adult movies there is nothing to be concerned. Discuss your feeling with her that you do not like her chatting with her male friend and that too sexually. Demonstrate your disapproval showing your concentration to strengthen the married life.
You should not stick to her past, as it is no more in present. She did those things even before she knew that you exist. Hence, as long as she is honest & loyal to you.You do not have any reason to sweat it out so relax and enjoy your wonderful life. You are only torturing yourself and that does not bring any good to your life. Think that, all that happened before you entered her life,
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k shastri, You have few things to contemplate. First thing to find whether this guy she has been too intimate with lately was her ex or what? If they happen to be old flames of each other long since you came in her life and for whatever reasons they could not got married that sour spot always would have been there letting them wonder how life with each other would have been with each other.
But then i do not think that would have been the case because they got together at that fateful reunion and what could have been a subtle attraction in the days bygone would have speared its head now. One of them or may be both of them confessed the attraction to the other and would have reciprocated . So after all this all water down the bridge they felt that they now at least could be good friends . And probably both married they might have discussed sex, sexual fantasies, favorite positions etc and could have lead to sharing of the porn clips they most liked.
But then with both being married they are very rapidly progressing towards having the extra marital affair if they already have not indulged in it.
Some signs of the cheating spouses are like these
1) Sudden increase or decrease in the frequency of the sex you used to have.
2) Kind of new things suddenly evolved in bedroom like a woman turning down oral/ anal sex wants to go for it or do not hesitate doing it.
3) cheating spouse not leaving the cellphone aside anytime at all. Even while going to washroom or bathroom she/ he carries it along with. and goes hysterical if any other person even touches it . or when you go near the computer he/ she is working on the page he/she is working on is promptly minimised or closed when you approach. You can do one thing you can pretend that you have some problems with your cellphone and ask her to give hers to you for a day . See whether she hand it over to you frankly and freely or hesitates to hand it over. it definitely would give if not answer but clue where you guys are heading
But i think if both are in their senses they would not go for any EMA but then we humans crave for what is bad for us dont we all?
If you find that this being an old college time affair while in teens you should let it go because her past does not matters as far as you concern but definitely present and future does matters.
One more thing is the declined sex in your bedroom. If due to diabetes you are having problems in having sex it does not means that she too would be having any less desire for sex. She very well could have been horny as hell and this person got lucky or on a way of getting lucky for being at correct time at a correct place.
From your question it is clear that you are not the man who could stand for cheating wife and understandably so. Still talk directly with her about your concerns, worries , fears etc and make her aware how it could harm your marriage
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re-read your own opening statements, and I think you could take an educated guess at what the situation is, and what has caused it!!
If your wife feels neglected and unloved, guess what, she will be happier remembering times when she was free and single, rather than her present miserable situation. This DOES NOT MEAN SHE’S HAVING AN AFFAIR, though who’d blame her if she did, considering your insensitive and spiteful treatment towards her. She’s only human, and her sex drive is perfectly normal, so her enjoyment of porn is normal too. The idea that porn is the exclusive preserve of men no longer holds true, we girls enjoy watching porn just as much as guys do.
Erectile dysfunction doesn’t mean the end of sexual activity. The head of your penis is still highly sensitive, even if you can’t maintain an erection (and yes guys, its a fact that ED drugs (the little blue pills, for example) don’t always work for diabetes sufferers), so oral sex from your wife would still give you extremely satisfying orgasms, and giving oral to her would give her just as much pleasure. But that would require a loving relationship which, by your own stupid false pride, has been destroyed. Your wife is now seeking satisfaction from porn, and maybe she will be thinking about having adventures, but guess who has pushed her in that direction?
Maybe you can salvage your marriage, but it only works if you can get over the stupid attitude you have about the fact that she actually had a life before you were married to her. At the moment, it’s probably the kids holding the marriage together, but how long will that last, then you’ll be a foolish, and lonely, miserable man, on your own!!!