My Husband wants Sex the whole day and also beats me. Help!
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I am a 20 year old girl married to a man of 28. 9 months back, I and my husband were living in Mumbai. My husband has great and strong desire for sex. He wants to have sex multiple times in a day. He has been forcing me to have sex daily many times. I had no choice but to fullfill his demand.
Now since last 2 months, we are in Delhi, living with my in laws. Being in joint family our sex has decreased, as during the day time we cannot have sex .Only we can have sex during the night. I too get tired after all house work. He has sex till late at night and early morning. But he thinks he is not getting proper satisfaction.
His nature also has changed and he has become short tempered. On the other side my mother in law has series of complaints against me. She poisons my husband’s mind. He becomes very angry and he beats me.
He will pull out his belt from his trouser and beat me and also beats me with his tennis racket. I dont know what to do. I cannot get separation due to family issue. Once through a friend, I tried to make him understand. But instead of understanding, he beat me badly, saying why you complain? It’s our private life.
During our stay at Delhi when we were alone there was no beating. I dont know how to solve the issue.
I need your help and advice.
Answers ( 2 )
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It is very distressing to hear what you are going through. It is clear that he has a high sex libido and you are doing your best to please him sexually. It is never easy for a young girl, who is just married to do the house work the whole day and then try to please her husband the whole night.
Why do you think that just because he has married you, it is his right to have sex whenever, he wants. You are well within your rights to say NO, when you are not in the mood. Unfortunately, unless you have some support from your Family, this may be difficult to achieve.
But, what is absolutely not acceptable is for him to beat you physically. Have you spoken to your Family about the ill treatment? What is their opinion on this? You will have to be firm on this issue. Speak to an Elder in your Family or a Religious Group. Unfortunately, they may not be too supportive.
You have to take some action. Take the help of your local NGO. There are many Political Women’s Organizations, that will be willing to have a word with your Husband.
Threaten to go to the Police. Do something about it. Take photos of the violent marks left on your body. The more you take this nonsense, the more it will continue. It generally gets worse, if you do not raise your voice. It may be your private life, but when there is violence, it is no longer a private matter.
He may threaten you, but believe me, one visit to the Police Station and they will take off his pants. He will not dare to even speak to you roughly. But you have to help yourself. No one else can help you.
We hope that things will work out
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The physical abuse is not acceptable in any circumstances and you should raise your voice against it. I would say talk to your parents and let them know about your situation and ask them to intervene. If they do not want to do anything then I would say contact the woman safety department or NGO which works for the women because you should not continue in your present situation. Being a woman it would be very difficult for you and that too without any support but you are left with no option so you should go for it as it is the matter of your safety.
If you have friends who are ready to support you then ask them to help you. Your husband is raping you if he uses force on you to have sex which he does not have a right to do it with you under any situation and you are not obliged to provide him sex all the time as here it seems that he is using you as a sex tool which he needs to satisfy his sexual needs.
You are in a dangerous situation and you should prepare yourself to fight against it. You are too young and you have a whole life ahead of you so do not bear everything as you deserve much better treatment. I would say leave your husband until he is ready to behave normally with you and take the help of your parents. If you continue with his behavior then it would encourage him to torture you even further up to the limit your safety may come under threat.